My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
