I look better un-naked...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
