I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
