turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
