How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
