Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
