my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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