We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
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Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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