I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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