Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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