omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
They are going to name an STD after you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
