Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
