my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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