I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
