Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
