i may or may not be watching the land before time
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
