People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
