i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
