Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
