Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
