Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
