You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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