I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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