chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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