So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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