my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
