Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like a drive thru vagina