I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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