What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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