I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
