We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You can't just leave with hair like that
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
