if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize