Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize