Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
