apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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