If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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