im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
