worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
