If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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