i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
