These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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