there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
