Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I haven't been this sober since birth.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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