We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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