this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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