omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
