my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
