just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
sex in a hospital.. check
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
