But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
