everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
