so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
