nut hugger
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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