Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
