im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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