Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
