Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
