i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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