What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
