Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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