Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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