From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
