Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
