I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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