Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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