I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
