I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
