i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
