dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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