I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
