I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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