as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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